I desire to share my life, learnings and wisdom I have gathered over 25 years of my ministry journey with you all but most importantly, to the Next Generation. In this blog, I will write on the subject that pertains to our faith, practice and engagement with the world a
round us. Also, I will curate books, resources and other contents that will help you to grow in your faith and particularly in your leadership growth and understanding.
It is blessed to be raised in the family saturated in the grace and values of the scriptures. But many of us were not that blessed. Perhaps our deepest sorrows and pain have originated in our family. God rescues and restores our lives so perfectly as we begin to focus on Him and his grace and truth. But the grandfather syndrome will have its
way into our growth and development. That’s why it is crucial to have a balanced view of divine intervention and the role of human nurture. Have you ever wondered why Gospel writers have started the story of our Savior by giving us the genealogy starting right from Abraham down to Joseph, the foster father of Jesus? The account of origin is given, I believe, for two reasons though there could be more. First, to prove to the Jews that Jesus is the Savior promised in the scripture. That He comes from the family of Abraham, who falls in that line of the family where David was the
greatest King of Israel. Second, His genealogy consists of people who were not so great by human standards, such as Rahab the prostitute, and Ruth the Moabitess. The inclusion of these two women is so refreshing and powerful that in God’s grand vision, everyone is included and has a purpose. Our background or family of origin will not be a hindrance to finding our usefulness in the hands of God. But the genealogy of Jesus also gives us the account which is so transparent, so open. Such openness demands courage to deal with who we are and look into our history of origin with humility and grace. The more we deny the terrible, broken stories of our lives and that of our ancestors, we reject the power of Gospel. The Gospel of Jesus can handle the worst and most problematic of human tragedies. In the redemption, we see who we are, but also discover who we could become in Christ.
Some Examples of Family of Origin Issues:
• Having grown up in a family where there was substance abuse/ addiction.
• Witnessing domestic violence. Meaning you have witnessed your father beating up your mother or your sibling mercilessly.
• Having been severely bullied and teased in school.
• Having lost a parent through death or suicide.
• Having an absent parent or being emotionally abandoned by a parent. It means your parents didn’t have time and energy to attend to your emotional, spiritual and other needs.
• Having been adopted. A child will face many attachment issues with adoptive parents or a sibling that was adopted. It is a very delicate process.
• Being a child of divorced parents.
• Having been raised in a highly chaotic and conflict-filled household.
• Being a part of the blended family with stepdad/mom, stepsiblings.
• You are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
• You were a survivor of childhood emotional neglect where you never received love or validation. This has distorteded your identity.
• Having a parent who had a severe anger or rage problem.
• Having had a family member who was mentally ill or had a personality disorder.
• Having been brought up with a strict religious orientation.
The purposes of looking at a family of origin issues and facing them are:
• We come face-to-face with these past experiences and resolve them.
• It helps us to learn to relate more effectively with our family of origin today.
• It helps us to interrupt generational patterns in our thinking, parenting, lifestyle etc.
• It helps us to provide a more healthy marital and family system for our children and grandchildren.
• It helps us to increase awareness and gain new perspectives on old dysfunctional patterns we tend to re-enact /repeat in adulthood.
• It helps to improve our functioning in relationships.
Many occasions, I have shared that I grew up in a family of origin where I encountered come of the issues mentioned above. These issues shaped me so much in so many ways. I am what I am today because of Jesus, but healing processes have not been instant. Whenever we experience painful fallout or situations of assault our offence implodes. The casualties are all around you. People have been hurt and damaged. If you are the victims, you are injured, and your pain is so real. I have been a victim of emotional neglect and sexual abuse as a child. Now I am 48 years old and processing my pain and hurt (which took place many years ago) in the light of scripture, the grace of God and a loving and supportive family. I am learning about myself so much. I realize why I struggled so much with my sexuality and my image and confidence. We can have broken song playing in the head for centuries, and those songs/scripts shape our worldview We filter everything through that lense, even God and his goodness. Therefore, I am not suggesting that we wallow up in our past and cry our eyes out and be a sad and pathetic person. On the contrary, as Christ-followers, our best hope and life is available for us in Jesus. However, suppose you are open to face your pain(s) which you have collected i
n your family of origin or outside of your family of origin. In that case, I believe your spiritual formation and understanding of who you are will be far better, and you will understand the patterns which were passed on to you. You will have a choice to perpetuate the old and broken script, or you can be intentional and move away from those broken patterns. Please don’t take a shortcut, as they will tap on you and will trigger your old pain when you least expect. For now, I will say there is hope, and we can break the cycle and become emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy persons who will lead to the healthy church which will ultimately usher wholistic community which reflect the image of Christ.
Resources in this episodes:
“Ordering your private world”By Gordon Macdonald. I read this book when I was in 1yr of my college. A friend who was not a believer had a copy. This book helped me so much in developing my spiritual discipline. Amazon has many options. If you buy old copies it comes at reasonable price.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0785288643?tag=typepad0c2-20
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